A couple hours ago, Sunshine got a text from her boss stating that he had just turned $10 into $500 at the roulette table. Almost immediately she looked at me and said, "That's exactly why you never win anything," even though I hadn't said a word.
But she knew exactly what I had been thinking, and she was exactly right.
Earlier this evening, while Sunshine was at work, I went to the Flamingo to use the $5 in free slot play I received for becoming a Harrah's Total Rewards member. I was hoping to get lucky and double-up then wander over to the blackjack table and win some more. Every gambler's dream, I know, but it was a freeroll.
What I was really trying to do was round up enough money to sit down at a cash game or at least buy into a tournament, so needless to say I was a little jealous when I heard someone else had basically done just that. Moreover, I haven't played in a couple weeks and have been itching to do so, especially tonight.
Lately I keep dwelling on how badly I need money so I can play poker and wishing I had enough to play every day--and not just for the profits; much like soccer, I just love the game. It's as though I'm walking this fine line between passion and addiction.
Sunshine hit the nail on the head though: I'm full of lack (kind of an oxymoron, isn't it?), or at least that's my experience, and one that manifests itself over and over again in my life. It's a vicious cycle that will continue until I change my thoughts.
She was right; I have a hard time being happy for other people. It's a habit I learned from my mom, but there also comes a point where we have to stop blaming our parents for everything that's "wrong" with us. My buddy Ernie sold a pilot to Fox a few months ago, and even though I told him I was stoked for him, in the back of my mind I was also thinking, "Why can't something like that happen to me?"
Until I can genuinely be happy for others' good fortunes, I will never have any good fortunes of my own.
"So how do I get to the point where I am genuinely happy for other people?" I asked Sunshine.
"Stop focusing on the lack. You're so wrapped up in it, when something good happens to someone else, it becomes one more reminder of what you don't have. Learn to be okay with your life the way it is."
I'm lucky to have someone in my life who always seems to tell me exactly what I need to hear.
By now you might be wondering why I titled this post "Bitter Haircut." It's because I've had long hair for the past five or six years, but this afternoon I chopped it off. I've had several job interviews since moving to Vegas three months ago, but no offers, so I thought my hair might have something to do with it. It was never a problem in LA when I was working in entertainment, but Vegas seems more conservative and a lot of the positions I've been interviewing for have been corporate.
I actually made an appointment a couple weeks ago, but chickened out at the last minute (apparently, I was still "attached" to my long hair). I was afraid of ending up with a dorky haircut, like so many of the styles from my past. Interestingly enough, that's exactly what I got, and it's the worst haircut I've ever had. Our thoughts really do influence the world around us.
It's like Wayne Dyer says, "Change the way you look at the world and the world you look at changes."
Easy for him to say, he doesn't have any hair! ;-)
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